Horoscopes
by Tozette
Summary: Zodiac personality types are read. Expect OOC, but also expect correct apostrophe use.


Disclaimer: The manga/anime series, "Fruits Basket" and any and all characters or place names pertaining thereto are the sole property of the creator and associated persons. The author of this story does not claim or aspire to own any of these. Any thoughts or opinions expressed by the characters in this piece of fanwork do not necessarily reflect those of the author or of the creator of the original series.

This came about as I was reading the paper this morning and thinking, "You know, the Furuba characters are nothing like what this says about them". It was intended to be funny. If it is or not is up to you and your reviews. :P

Happy New Year, AKA, How Ayame got Hatori to hand-feed him for a week.

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"Oooh, Hatori-san must read me my horoscope!" Ayame squealed, waving the paper in front of his long-suffering cousin's face.

It was the 29th of January and the personality types of the zodiac had been published in the paper. Knowing that he would get no peace if he pointed out to Ayame that he was not the only literate person in the room, Hatori sighed and accepted the paper from him.

Ayame sparkled rather maniacally. Shigure appeared from absolutely nowhere to listen in. Yuki, sitting on the mat and playing go with Kyo, who was sweating and cursing about how he had to win, rolled his eyes.

Hatori looked at the paper, then back at Ayame. Then he looked at the paper again. And back into Ayame's glittering gold eyes.

"You're the snake, right?" he said, sounding a little incredulous.

Flat looks even from Ayame greeted this question.

"With a quiet and thoughtful manner –" Hatori was cut off as Yuki snorted most inelegantly.

"Yes, yes, Ayame-san," Shigure agreed, clapping, "So true!"

Ayame nodded brightly. Hatori wondered if they were talking about the same person, but continued with, "… you have considerable charm and appeal –"

"Sex appeal!" Shigure and Ayame asserted immediately in unison.

"Oh, of course," Shigure said, floating and sparkling amidst a platoon of crazed shoujo bubbles, "definitely very you, Ayame – how could these possibly be so very accurate, my charming, thoughtful, sexy friend?"

"Ohoho! Flattery is never so potent as when it is spoken true!" Ayame declared loudly.

Hatori raised an eyebrow. "Are you done?"

"For the moment," Shigure admitted. Kyo and Yuki had paused in their heated but slow-paced competition to watch the unfolding drama.

"You go about your activities in your own way and keep things close to your chest." Hatori paused here for further mockery, but Shigure and Ayame were just nodding at each other as though it all made sense. He shrugged and continued. "Your good humor, keen mind, preserving nature and great ambition ensure that you're usually successful in getting your own way," he paused to sigh, "Can't argue with most of that."

Shigure nodded. "It's his outstanding charisma, charm and mystery that allow him to get his own way so often," he agreed. Ayame blushed prettily – he'd learnt how to do it on command in sixth grade – and covered his smile with one hand. He glanced at Shigure from beneath his eyelashes with big eyes that conveyed whole worlds of sincerity, mostly feigned.

"You're, uh, loyal and caring to those dear to you," Hatori finished incredulously.

"I know," Ayame said simply. "So, when does it get to my outstanding beauty and poise?"

"And your modesty, of course," Yuki commented dryly.

Ayame blinked. "YUKI! I forgot you were here! Come on, Hatori-san, read me Yuki's!"

"I think I've had enough, actually," Hatori murmured, hoping to escape the madness before it infected him.

"I'll read it!" Shigure bounced, leaving Hatori wondering if Ayame had snuck him sugar. They didn't need another fiasco like Last Time.

He snatched the paper from Hatori, bringing it right up close to his nose. "Oooh, born under a sign of charm –"

"Charm, Yuki! Just like your BIG BROTHER!"

"– you are, er, sociable and get on well with others?" Shigure trailed off momentarily. "Um, okay. You like to keep yourself active and, with a quick-witted and resourceful nature, you're good at spotting opportunities and making the most of situations –"

"Like following in your brother's footsteps and becoming an honored and valuable part of the student council!"

"Or," Kyo muttered darkly, having given up on go since his competitor was no longer paying attention, instead warming up for the beating that was to ensue, "making the most of your brother's visits by using them to keep active?"

"Looks like it," Yuki agreed.

"You take pride in your home and family life," Shigure said loudly, making himself heard. Hatori excused himself to go procure some aspirin.

"Why, how could he not take pride in his family with an older brother like ME?" Ayame asked Shigure.

"Of course," Shigure agreed, also sparkling scarily. "It would simply be impossible."

"Oh, Shigure, you're such a very smart man," Ayame murmured dreamily. "It's so wonderful. Here, let me read you your zodiac," he suggested, snatching the much-crumpled paper from Shigure's hands.

"THE DOG!" he proclaimed loudly, as though, maybe, someone in the central-city hadn't heard him already that day. "LOYAL to family and friends – oh, how very apt! So loyal is Shigure that he has never once cheated on me, no matter how ambiguous his current stance on the subject of fidelity or how far I may travel from him –"

"Like the Main House?" Yuki wanted to know, rolling up his sleeves.

"INDEED!" Ayame agreed, turning to catch him in a crazy, crazy, suffocating hug before dropping him, swirly-eyed, to the floor. "You are CARING and keen to help those in need as well as support causes you believe in – aw, that's so damn true," Ayame said, wiping a tear from his eye purely imagined. "Being conscientious, you're a WORRIER and sometimes a greater willingness to talk about your worries could help – SHIGURE-SAN! If you have ANY WORRIES, please, feel ABSOLUTELY FREE to come and discuss them at GREAT LENGTH with me, OHMA AYAME, your most loving friend!"

Shigure burst out in mock tears, grasping at and wiping his eyes upon the hem of Ayame's yukata. "Oh, Ayame, I've felt so alone!"

Hatori chose this moment to step back in the room with his aspirin. He chose the very next moment to walk back out before he was noticed, even going so far as to ignore his duty to Yuki, who was coming round.

"It's okay now, Shigure-san," Ayame was saying tearfully, hugging onto him as though he were life itself, "I'll always be there."

"…Not when I'm through with you," Yuki growled. Although his hair covered his eyes, their lethal violet glow was quite discernable, as was the thick black aura of rage surrounding his form.

Shigure disentangled himself from Ayame and moved away. Fast.

And that, my friends, is how Ayame got Hatori to hand-feed him for a week.

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Note: The original Zodiac descriptions are by Neil Somerville and can be found in the Sunday Herald Sun, 29th January 2006 edition.

Thanks!


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